It's back!

30 hours without internet due to "storms" that knocked the "cable" wires down. (i don't buy it). no blogging, no e-mail, no news, i felt totally cut off from the outside world. it made me realize how much time i waste on this machine.

i haven't really felt myself lately. i've been having a hard time expressing myself to people and seem to be saying the wrong things all the time. i can't really explain it, i've just been down about viola and my relationships with certain people in my life. i've just been a little overwhelmed. makes it hard to have the kind of get up and go i need to practice as much as i need to.

i had my first viola lesson in a month today and it made me realize that if i don't have some sort of orchestra job next year (a very good possibility) i should try to apply to some schools for back-up plans so i don't end up staying here for another year. i'm not ready to give up weekly lessons if i don't have a job, but this environment just isn't good for me. as my teacher said today about my staying in cleveland for six years, "it's enough already." my ideal (besides a job) would be a professional studies program in a pretty cool city where i can be a teaching assistant, get lessons, and still take orchestra auditions. this process sucks! there haven't even been any good viola jobs listed in the past two months to dream about. i'm so jealous of people who can just keep going without getting down about auditions. (i think i knew at least two of those people...)

and on a silly note i'd like to end with a quote from last night:
"she has narcolepsy."
*pause*
"she sleeps with dead people??"

hehe-welcome back, phil

oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TENA!

VOTE TOMORROW!